Season of Harvest.

This has been a season of harvest. But I will not call it a harvest of plenty. For me it has been a season of enough. I have enough energy to get through the day. I have enough faith an hope to make it to break. But love I am out of. 

A little while back I had a conversation with a dear friend that really helped me process a lot of this. Last year, I was able to give and give and give. That was my job (especially as a PK). The well o my soul was full and I was able to help quench the thirst of those around me. Then the dry time came. It wasn't that I wasn't being watered but it was that I needed more and more. I was so dry that the water wouldn't reach my roots. I still am. 

How do you ask for more water when you are already being given so much? What do you do when the love being given to you is something that you are thankful for, yet it doesn't quench your thirst at all? What do you do when you are bone dry and feel guilt because you cannot give any more away?

I am dry as the desert. I am a spiritual baby, drinking water from a bottle, totally dependent upon those around me at school. I am angry at myself for being so needy. I feel guilty for taking and taking. I am unable to love those around me. 

the small things (part 5)

It's spring break here and I'm sitting in a Panera (or St. Louis Bread Co. It's all in how you slice it...) surrounded by laughing toddlers and warm bread and lesson plans on lesson plans and it feels good. It's been good to have this much needed time of rest. Here are some things I'm thankful for...

-I'm thankful for my own bed and my own well worn sheets.

-For impromptu root beer floats and a family that will put up with my quirky movie choices.

-For chaco weather and the return of the sun.

-I'm thankful for funny, road-tripping, adventurous friends who update the world via hashtags. #TUthegrandcanyon

-For half priced books and friends who know exactly what you're looking for, even when they live far away.

-For a brother whose love language might be cruising around with shamrock shakes.

-I'm thankful for throwback pictures of NYC, that make me my own particular shade of homesick.

-And for oversized grey t-shirts that basically pose as dresses. Yes.

What are you thankful for, friends?




Song of the Post: Patience, First and Patience, Please- Penny and Sparrow

open windows. open hearts.

       In the spring, I always have the urge to write again. I love the beginning of winter, the freshness of snow and liquid air in my lungs. But by the middle of January, the greyness settles in my bones and I get so so tired.
       Today I opened my window and stood in the light. I read poetry and dressed up and ate well. I laughed deeply, from the bottom of my being. Tomorrow I will take off my shoes and let my feet feel the earth again. Spring has come.
       The greyness will come back. But I can finally see the light and feel the sun on my face. Joy is mine, given by our greatest joy-bringer. I will rejoice.

Song of the post: She Lit a Fire- Lord Huron

   

For the Crew

This might be a poem too... Don't judge too much, it's just the first draft for a class.

For the Crew

We are ungraceful dancers,

with our vacuum partners

and our sure moving hands

dripping diamonds

of dishwater.

We fill up the air with

hidden praise, off key,

from our lips,

keeping beat with

the thump of moving chairs.

We serve with our towels,

laughing because we believe

that our exchanges

are somehow witty,

we eavesdrop, and

lift our noses to catch

the smell of tea.

I would not trade our

nightly dance for

a world of clean dishes,

put neatly in their places,

and I do not wish to be

anything less than

a member of this

safe place.

the small things (part 4)

Small things that I am thankful for this week.

-This week I'm thankful for God's people.

-I'm thankful for friends who understand that doughnuts may not be able to solve everything but they can make life a whole lot better.

-A roommate who is okay with living with someone who listens to the same three songs on repeat for daysss.

-Cheap leftover Valentines day candy.

-Women who call me to pursue bravery and who walk with me when I need some help.

-Cards that remind me that I am loved.

-The quietness of Saturday mornings.

-I'm thankful for friends who have Jesus shining out of their faces and present in every word that they speak.

-Yarn and flowers. Two things that embrace the winter and the coming spring.

-Worship and meaningful conversations about it.

-Small children who come up to me to tell me that we have the same hair.

-Chips and salsa.

-Writing classes that actually make me want to write. How neat is that?


Song of the post: Shake - Walk Off the Earth

Depth over Distance.

This my friends, it what I needed today.

Autobiography

So here we are again, friends. I'm back in good ol' Murica slowly adjusting to a different time schedule, different people, and a different daily life. Some days I think that I'm back to normal while others I ask myself why normal has to consist of class and work and a lack of Filipino smiles. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to try (try being a key word) to write a few posts about the trip.

 This semester, I'm taking a creative writing class- something that is far, far outside of my comfort zone. This last week, we had to write an autobiography that was exactly 500 words, no more, no less. Strugglebus. How do you fit ninteen years into less than two pages? So here it is.

I come from a father born the youngest of three boys. To this day, he still has to prove that his Bible college education was worth something by praying for Christmas dinner.

I come from a mother who walks quietly and speaks with her eyes rather than her mouth. She comes from strong German stock that used to dust the top of the refrigerator when she and my too tall father were dating. My father claims that she chased him. She says it’s the other way around.

I come from a younger brother with a mind that will someday move mountains. Until then, he is content to dream about a girl named Katie who bakes him peach pies. No, I am not kidding. His love for Jesus will blind you if you get too close.

I come from little Egypt- the fertile land captured between the Ohio and the Mississippi. It is a land of fields and accents that can only be described as hick. It is beautiful.

I come from a childhood spent with Laura Ingalls Wilder and a slew of imaginary friends. My parents once told me that if you sprinkle salt on a rabbit’s tail, it will slow down enough for you to catch it. My summers were spent building elaborate dirt piles in the outfield of the t-ball field and chasing rabbits with stolen saltshakers.

I come from a sudden move in the middle of my fifth grade year. It was an uprooting and transplant that produced bigger blooms than I ever could have asked for.

I come from an awkward stage that began too early and overstayed its welcome.

I come from a single summer relationship. It began with the thought of “We’re best friends… so we should probably date.” It ended quietly with the acknowledgement of the lessons learned. He is still my best friend.

I come from friends who watch too much British television. They are diamonds in the not-so-rough. When I come home from school, we drive down back roads for hours because they know that that’s what I need.

 I come from the “good batch” in school, somehow managing to escape a town that captures those who jinx themselves with the wish to leave.

I come from a last minute decision to attend a school five hours away. By the grace of God, I ended up where I needed to be.

I come from a time of growth, learning to live with and love others. I’m drinking too much coffee and staying up too late. I am building relationships.

I come from a sudden accident over the summer and a father who is a quadriplegic. He is learning to walk again, one day and one step at a time. My family is learning what it means to be whole again.

I come from a heavenly father that loves me more than I could ever deserve. He continues to give me grace upon grace upon grace.

I come from a story unfinished.

Song of the Post: Oblivion - Bastille

Snapshots

    

Adventures (big and small)

The last week and a half has been filled with so many adventures here in Manila.

-I've now met real life Aussies!

-The team canoed up the river where Apocalypse Now was filmed.

-We held a worship service for over a hundred children in a church with no chairs and the most beautiful stained glass windows I have ever seen.

-I've begun to realize how small the world really is.

- I've been referred to a Taylor Swift by Filipino children on multiple occasions.

-I've blown bubbles with children whose families make their living by digging through an abandoned trash dump.

-We've worshiped with people from so many different nations.

-I've had my heart stolen by street children who call me aunt in Tagalog. Tita! Tita!

-I've spent every night reflecting on a balcony porch swing.

-I've eaten little dried fish. Face, eyes, and all.

-I've realized that I'm more comfortable being called Teacher Kelsey than Miss Scott.

-We've held babies from the children's home. They have the most beautiful eyelashes I have ever seen and some of the saddest stories I have ever heard.

-We've been stunned by the diverse beauty of the Philippines. We've only been in and around Manila but we've seen everything from shacks made from bits and pieces of corrugated tin to skyscrapers to rolling mountains.

-I've ridden a bamboo raft under a waterfall... one of the craziest moments of my life.

-I've taught children who are so excited to even have the opportunity to go to school and receive an education.

-I've had the opportunity to help with feedings and been heartbroken at the knowledge that the meal that we are providing might be the only nutritious meal that these children will receive all week.

-I've seen people from all over the world become the hands and feet of Jesus. God is moving here in this place.

Song of the Post: Say Something- Great Big World

Philippines: Three Days In

I've only been here for around three days, but I can already feel the change in me and can see it in those around me. Walls (that were never very high to begin with) are coming down amongst those on the team and we are beginning to rejoice in each other's strengths and weaknesses. I keep thinking to myself, I like these people.
The Filipino people are beautiful. They are more warm and open than anyone I have ever met. Time here also moves differently. It flows instead of being split and it meanders and curls around what ever is scheduled.
The longer I am here, the more I realize that I needed this. God knew what he was doing in sending me here. I can breathe here and I can concentrate on loving the people around me. It is hard to put into words.
We don't have very good wifi here (which is honestly a blessing) so I probably will not update as much as I thought I might.  Right now I am going to focus on being present here in this place.

Song of the Post: Promise - Ben Howard

A New Beginning

2013 is coming to an end! This year has been one of growth and change. Lots and lots of growth and change. As we start a new year, I am encouraged by the knowledge that each day I wake up is new. Every day I will make mistakes, miss the mark, and generally just be human. Every day I will be picked up, made clean and whole, and loved.

2014 will start in a very exciting way.  I and 24 other Education students from Taylor University will have the opportunity to study abroad in the Philippines during the month of January. We leave on the third and for many of us, this will be our first time overseas.We will be observing and teaching at Cuatro Christian School, an English speaking school that serves the impoverished students in the Cuatro community of Manila. The whole team will also spend time mentoring children in the New Faith Children’s Home, volunteering at a home for girls that were involved in the sex-trafficking industry, and presenting worship services in schools and churches. I am so blessed to be a part of this team and am beyond excited for the adventure ahead!

Please pray that we have a safe trip, that we are unified as a team, and that the Lord's will be at work within us. I don't know how often we will have internet access but I will try and update here as often as possible.

"What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you’ll have it all—life healed and whole." -1 Peter 1:3-5 (The Message)

Song of the post: After the Storm- Mumford and Sons

Lit. List 2013

So if you don't already know, I like to read. A lot. In high school I would speed through ten or fifteen books a month but college has slowed that down quite a bit. This is a quick list of books that I read this year, in no particular order, and maybe a little quip about what I thought of them. I didn't include any books that I read for class (even though I read some very good ones). If you really want to hear about them, you can ask me. Enjoy!


Allegiant and Insurgent by Veronica Roth
These books are part of Veronica's Divergent series and fall along the lines of The Hunger Games. Very dystopian and very very good. I love how these books ask a lot of questions about courage and what makes humans so human. Entertaining but still thought provoking.

Dash and Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan.
Funny, Sassy, and wonderful. I read it during the summer but it is without a doubt a Christmas book with just enough scrooge-ness to keep it from being cheesy. It's probably not for everyone but it starts with a scavenger hunt in a bookstore. What more could you want?

Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan
I finally finished this book last spring(after a year and a half of working on it). It made me look at the Holy Spirit in a completely different way and the ways the Holy Spirit is manifesting itself in my life and in the lives of those around me.

The Grimm Legacy by Polly Shulman
A fun, fast read. A great storyline, even if the writing was a little awkward at times (not that I'm one to talk). A must read for all but I think that it would be a very appropriate and fun read for middle schoolers.

Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible's View of Women By Sarah Bessey
Now before you get too excited and think that I'm a bra burning feminist, know that I'm not. Sarah Bessey writes about the way that Jesus treated women and the way that that we should see that in the Church. She writes to young single women, mothers both single and married, daughters and wives, husbands and sons, using scripture and pieces of her own story. It doesn't hurt that she strings words together like a poet either.

The Raven Boys and The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater
I might have a friend crush on Maggie Stiefvater. She is funny (just check out her twitter), owns race cars and fainting goats, and writes books that I just want to read. These two books are part of her Raven Cycle and they are chock full of fast cars, Welsh mythology, goofy teenage boys, and magic. My kind of books. I would say that these are probably my favorites of the year, hands down.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
There are five books in this series Hitchhiker's, The restaurant at the End of the Universe, Life, the Universe, and Everything, So Long and Thanks for all the Fish, and Mostly Harmless. I read all of them the summer before college and this summer was the chance for a much needed re-read. These books are hilariously full of British humor and I love picturing Martin Freeman as Arthur Dent. A classic.

When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead
A modern companion to L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time, this novel won the Newbery in 2010. Let me tell you that it deserved it. This book doesn't fit into one set genre  but I believe that it can mean something to every person that reads it.

The Silmarillion by J. R. R. Tolkien
Ummm yes. If you have any love for Tolkien's Middle Earth, you'll read this. It's pretty time consuming but completely worth it. Yes and yes and yes.

The Children of Hurin by J. R. R. Tolkien
This was a gift from my roommate (shout out, Sarah!) and I am so blessed that she knows me as well as she does. This book is a deeper look into a story from The Silmarillion about the family of Hurin, one of Middle Earth's most valiant men. Lots of battles and adventures that any fan of The Lord of the Rings. 

Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality by Donald Miller
This was like drinking a cool glass of water. Blue Like Jazz is without a lot of the lingo that we use in the Church today and follows one man's journey at a very liberal college and how he saw Jesus there. Good stuff.



Song of the post: Holding on to You- Twenty One Pilots
 

Brokenness and beauty.

Sometimes you don't have the words. More and more this semester I've found that words are of no use to me. I need a different language, one of silence and time together and touch. It's been a hard semester. My family is separated. My dad is in a rehabilitation center learning to walk again (but it's so much more than that). My brother is growing up on his own (it seems like) for the time being. My mom must be so so tired. My body is broken and I am still learning what it means to live in community with people. I am broken. And it's been hard. Really really hard.

That is something that I am noticing more and more. That people are broken but nobody wants to admit it. Especially within the Christian community where we should be the most honest. I am still figuring out how to tell people that I can't do it any more. That not just physically am I broken but I am falling apart piece by piece, emotionally, spiritually, in relationships. I am not okay. We are not okay.

Like I said, I'm having to speak a different language. I'm learning to cry with people for their hardships and mine. They are willing to get late night pizza with me. They are willing to take long drives and just process. They are willing to curl up and crochet. They are willing to hold my hand and my heart for the time being. They, like me, are learning what it means to speak the language of love and how to be honest about their own brokenness.

I am broken.
I am hurting.
I am tired.
I am not okay.

It's okay to be broken. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to say I am not okay. We are not okay. Isn't it funny to have to say that it's okay to say that we're not okay? What a life we live.

And at the same time, we have so much to be thankful for. Isn't that crazy? We are broken. We are taken from our brokenness and made beautiful. We are loved in spite of our messiness. We are wanted. We are set free. From brokenness to beauty.


Song of the post: I Have Made Mistakes- The Oh Hello's

The Small Things (part 3)

Small things I have been thankful for this past week:



The tail end of a frosty sunrise outside of the dorm.

-My beautiful mother. She is so good to me.

-God's healing hand.

-No shave November. Gotta love a bearded man.

-Women who are brave enough to clean dorm bathrooms.

-The opportunity to spend time in a classroom and all that comes with it.

-Fridays.

-Soft serve.

-Thick wool socks.

-A month set aside solely for giving thanks.

-Friends that are willing to drive me all over creation.

-My curly hair. Cause sometimes it's fun to look like Dolly Parton.

-Cold weather.

Well friends, it has been a strugglebus of a week. Just when I thought things were straightening themselves out, they got a bit bumpy. But this is a time of gratitude and I have so much to be thankful for.  Rejoice always,  pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


Song of the Post: I Am Mountain- Gungor

Ten Weeks

            It has been ten weeks since the day I arrived at school in a minivan loaded with odds and ends. It has been far longer since the last blog post. Sometimes life happens too fast to take the time to share and you can only hold on for the ride. The lessons I am learning are never ending. God's grace in never ceasing.

Some lessons I've learned over the past weeks:

- I am so blessed to live in community with God's people. Blessed to love and be loved by people who are beautiful in spirit and striving for heaven.

-Rest is important. You cannot go on forever with no sleep, even though homework load may demand it (real talk right here people).

Found on Pinterest.

- You need to take time for you. This quote sums it up better than I ever could. >>>>>>>

- Use coconut oil for your hair. Use baking soda for everything else. It doesn't get any better than that.

-Be brave. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone more this semester than ever and I have gained so much from it. Have courage. Step out. Even in the smallest of things.

-It is okay to cry in front of people. They will hold you. Admit that you're not always okay.

- Good food can cure any ailment.

-Taking a break from social media can be so freeing. I was without a phone for a few weeks and it really helped me to feel present.

- If your love language is quality time (like mine), car rides are the best. I'm just learning to put this together. Driving the half an hour to church and back every Sunday with a friend is so refreshing.

- A clean room equals a clear mind.

-Things change. This year is not the same as last year. And change can be good.



Song of the post: Close of Autumn- Caedmon's Call

The big and the small (and everything in between).

{As some of you may know, my family has been working through some rough spots this summer. In June, my father was in an accident and suffered a spinal cord injury that took away much of the ability to move his limbs. He's currently in rehabilitation and we are hopeful that he will regain most, if not all, movement to his body.  In dealing with all that comes with this, we've been blessed by many unexpected joys. This post is an attempt at relaying how blessed we are. Soli Deo Gloria.}

This summer I am so thankful for:

-Friends who give from their gardens, their kitchens, and their hearts. Friends who make homemade ice cream and offer hugs without question.

-Meteor showers that leave me breathless.

-Church secretaries who let me empty out the candy bowl and talk about nothing for hours. You know who you are.

-BLTs with fresh tomatoes from the garden.

-Peaches as ripe as summer itself.

-Prayer warriors from all across the country. I can't tell you how full of gratitude this make me. So many of you have lifted us up in front of the creator and sustainer of the universe. Thank you for pouring out your hearts.

-Card games and root beer in glass bottles.

-The dishwasher. For real.

-A very special letter with a postcard of Gilbert Blythe in it :)

-Songs that make me want to dance. An example... dance along too if you'd like!

- A CD of hymns from Passion 2003 that I found in the basement. Old school but much needed.

- Silence.

-So much love shown in so many different ways. Thank you for loving me (and the fam) so well.


"We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!" -Romans 5 The Message

Song of the post: Bloom- The Paper Kites

Peace like a river.

found on pinterest

Resting in shadow of the Lord these past few weeks.
Praying for rest, peace, and healing. Placing my trust in His hands.


For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Country drives, cookouts, and campfires.

The past few weeks have been crazzaaayyy. It's been one of those things where a lot of little stuff happens, but you are never actually busy. It's been nice.
So summer is here. For me this means the smell of chlorine early in the morning, the coolness that comes with $5 sunglasses, a reading list a mile long, and the return of s'mores.

Summer means drives on country roads. Never really going anywhere but driving just to drive through fields and past barns and long forgotten cemeteries. The windows down, heat lightning in the distance, and Thrift Shop (you know you love that song too!) up as loud as it will go. If you live in a small town, you learn to appreciate these moments. They are some of the most beautiful.

Summer means cookouts and bonfires with friends. The smell of firewood that always manages to wind itself in my hair. Loud laughter around the circle and the comfortable silence that often follows. The quest for the perfectly roasted marshmallow. A quiet understanding between friends and the occasional game of badminton :)

Summer brings with it the return of sunburns, my overall shorts, and (my favorite part of summer) camp! The camp that I work with is run almost entirely by volunteers. We'll help with a couple of different camps, from the camp for elementary kids that only lasts a day or two to the ones for High Schoolers that last for a whole week. Last weekend, I was able to help with an overnight camp for second and third graders. I was so excited to be  a part of what was the very first camp experience for some of these kids!
Some funny quotes from the weekend:

"You guys have the same face... but especially the same chin!" -A quote from a little girl that was directed at my brother and I. If you know what we look like, you'd probably understand!
                              
"This is our chance to ask the girls to chase us!" -A third grade boy to his group of friends (too cute!)

So that pretty much covers the last couple of weeks! I'm off to a state park with the Jr. Highers from my church tomorrow. Hopefully they'll think I'm cool even though I wear overall shorts!


Song of the post: Baba O'Riley- The Who.

The Small Things (part 2).

Small things that I am thankful for today:
- The Beatles
- pancakes
- picture messages
- the smell of newly cut grass
- bare feet
- snail mail
- summer breezes
- blackberry cobbler (with ice cream!)
- the movie rental place down the street
- the sound of the train
- summer rain showers

It's summer, friends!  It's so nice to be home from school, though I do miss you 3SE and 3CE girls! For me, the highlight of the past week was finally being able to see The Great Gatsby. It was beautiful (as I expected) and the only complaint I have is that they didn't flesh out some characters as much as they could have. Still, it was wonderful. What was the highlight of your week?


Song of the post: The Homes of Donegal- Celtic Thunder.

I Pay a Visit to Lizzie in Disney.

Hey loves! I just wanted to share a guest post I wrote here for my friend Lizzie (or Elizabeth as I know her). It's about my family's Disney trip a few years ago! Elizabeth writes all about her experiences as a Disney Cast member at lizzieindisney.blogspot.com. If you are looking for tips and tricks to make your Disney experience even more magical, you should check her out!